How do i deal with perfectionism

You may be used to focusing on results, and beating yourself up if your results are less than perfect. The previous suggestion setting baby steps can help you create more of an enjoyable process out of your striving. One important way to recover from perfectionism is to begin focusing more on the process of reaching toward a goal, rather than just focusing on the goal itself. If you tend to look at criticism as an attack, reacting defensively, an attitude change can help.

Constructive criticism can give you important clues on how to improve your performance, making your less-than-perfect performances into useful stepping stones that lead to excellence. Struggling with stress? Our guide offers expert advice on how to better manage stress levels. Get it FREE when you sign up for our newsletter. Images of the self and self-esteem: do positive self-images improve self-esteem in social anxiety? Cogn Behav Ther. Your Privacy Rights. To change or withdraw your consent choices for VerywellMind.

At any time, you can update your settings through the "EU Privacy" link at the bottom of any page. These choices will be signaled globally to our partners and will not affect browsing data. We and our partners process data to: Actively scan device characteristics for identification. In reality, everything happens in progression, not in an all-or-nothing manner. Silicon Valley, home to thousands of tech companies including top corporations like Facebook, Apple, and Google, is known to strongly encourage failure.

Entrepreneurs are often giving talks sharing about their own failures. Hence, get rid of that all-or-nothing mindset. When you think all-or-nothing, what you really get is nothing-and-nothing. Allow yourself to do things incompletely, imperfectly, and imprecisely. Focus on maximizing progress every step of the way, including through experimentation and failure, as that is the surest way to guarantee your fastest success.

Because a perfectionist is detail-oriented and capable of absorbing high levels of information, they are also their weakest link when it comes to taking action. To them, everything is important and everything must be done. In the end, they get overwhelmed. Some perfectionists procrastinate ; some get stuck in analysis paralysis mode. Some give up, while some spend an excruciating amount of time just to get simple things done. Yet, listening to other podcasts, and top-rated ones at that, made me realize that having such sounds is entirely okay as long as they are not in excess.

They make the listening experience more personal. To you, perhaps you have an extremely high standard for every piece of work you create. However, you may struggle with this high standard very often, to the point that it drains you from getting more done. If so, I have these questions for you:. As a perfectionist, I can understand the negative self-talk and self-neglect that happens, especially when the going gets tough.

I sacrifice my own sleep and rest in order to complete my work and meet deadlines. No, of course not. We need to learn to love ourselves and our flaws , just as we love others without precondition. And we should certainly continue to dedicate ourselves to our craft, but without compromising our well-being. Perfectionists tend to get very attached to their goals. But is that true? Perhaps there were things that cropped up.

Perfectionists tend to set goals that are both high and difficult to achieve; therefore causing distress when they are unable to meet their unrealistic goals. Toggle navigation Toggle search. Coping With Perfectionism.

In order to change perfectionistic thinking it is important to: Identify if you are experiencing any of the thought patterns listed above List possible alternative thoughts Consider the advantages and disadvantages of the original and alternative thoughts Weigh the advantages of holding on to your original perfectionistic thoughts and standards versus adopting the alternative thoughts and standards Choose more realistic or helpful ways to view the situation: After you have evaluated the advantages and disadvantages of changing your beliefs and standards, you will be better prepared to choose a more realistic and helpful way of thinking about the situation.

Make a list of the advantages and disadvantages of trying to be perfect. Learn how to deal with criticism. Be realistic about what you can do. Healthy Goal Setting: Based on wants and desires Healthy goals are one step beyond present or previous achievements Pleasure can be derived from the process of working towards the goal Disapproval or failure can be seen as to a specific situation.

Perfectionist Goal Setting: Goals are often based on expectations of others Your goal is perfection or the best at all times The focus is on the end result; not the process of working towards the goal Disapproval or failure is generalized to self worth When trying to overcome perfectionistic tendencies perfectionists can be their own worst enemy.

I need to restructure my expectations. Wishing you well. Thank you so much for this. I have been a perfectionist my whole life because school has always taught me to do the best you can so I end up taking way too long doing assignments making sure there is nothing I can improve. I hope these tips can help me because I really need to start working on stopping this since I just moved on to high school and I have a lot more work to do now. Awesome that you are already starting to work on this now, Bob.

Wishing you well in High School and beyond. Thank you so much and good luck to everyone out there as well dealing with this! Wow, Hannah. Thank you, your post is really helpful. Reading it is like looking at the mirror. It is really difficult to overcome perfectionism, stop research and start actually writing.

I will try the techniques you mentioned. What you have described is exactly my situatuion. Thank you for describing it so well. But still letting go of that habit is a challenge. Thank yoy for posting this. But now I want to not overthinking about anything. This is what I look for to change me and my mindset not to have high standards for better life. Thank you again. I was a very obedient child so I had to be perfect in all that I did. I had to be perfect for my mother and my brother.

My father was emotionally absent from my life. Being an extreme perfectionist has caused me a lifetime of being depressed, medication and hospital stays. I am now 67 years old and struggling with depression because I still want everything to be perfect. By seeing a therapist, I have found this about myself. Thank you for your article. This was exactly what I needed to read today.

I completely relate! Thinking the books may focus on the underlying issues. Thanks for your insight. This article is really useful. Have a nice day!

Wishing you well in your senior year and beyond. And may you be kind and gentle with yourself. Hi, I have always known deep down I had an issue with perfect! When I took my driving test, every pot hole I ran over was a minor … by the time I got back to the test centre I was sure I failed. Turns out I passed with only 4 minors. I am now having this exact problem being a mature student at university. I have an essay plan due the 20th Nov, I have finished this essay plan but I have changed it 4 times and it is NOT perfect.

I clearly have some work to do regarding this perfectionist attitude. You are welcome, Gemma. Thank you for sharing! Yesterday I saw the pre print of my thesis, and I noticed 3 insignificant errors. It was beyond the point of correcting without making a lot of commotion.

It still makes me sort of sick to know these minor glitches are present in my thesis, but I am using the situation as an opportunity to silence my perfectionism. A psychologist told me that sometimes perfectionism is not wanting to do everything perfect but whipping yourself that you are always not doing enough. This is me. What a good observation from this psychologist! You are not alone, Ellie.

Thank you for sharing here. Hey… Thank you for this post. I guess perfectionism has been holding me back from doing so so much in life. Right from even commenting on this very post. I decided to comment after reading your amazing article. Thanks a lot again. I hope to keep on improving. Hi Sumit — congratulations on commenting on this post! What a great step, and please count it as a WIN! Thanks, this helped to clean my mind off that thought.

I am reading this and I definitely am tearing up. I have been totally paralyzed by engaging in perfectionism. I printed out your article so that I look at it every day. I just really need to change this; perfectionism. At the very least a shed some tears, and maybe now I can start to notice I will talk to myself and changing some habits.

Thank you for putting out this blog. Reading through, I found many scenarios and tips resonated with me strongly. I have this project on redesigning his business for improved performance which I volunteered to work with my former boss. Meanwhile, knowing I have only recently developed interest in the field of Management and Organisations, a departure from my background in international politics, I feel I have amassed all the possible knowledge to start the project. So I noticed I continue to study and learn in a way to prepare me to deliver this project, test my new found interest in the real world and maybe consider a career change.

However, for weeks now, as I continue to learn through online courses and readings, I feel so unready. Just wanted to say thank you for writing this, May, because I really needed it.

I already could tell it was hurting my career, and reading this helped make things clearer for me. Thank you so much! Thank you for this post! It totally hit home for me. Just as you laid out, what was a gift at the beginning of my career, is now a hurdle I NEED to overcome for the sake of career and mental health. Thanks for helping me see that. I literally feel a bit lighter having read your post. The first step is acknowledging I have this issue!

I just found this article so easy to relate to. My happiness is on the line because of my high expectations and the way I have spread myself so thin because of it. I can totally relate. I used to fatigue myself mentally through analysis paralysis for days and weeks about something as simple as following an exercise routine or just cooking meals. Or motivation letters. Or obsessively plan a date. But my dissertation struggle of 2 years and the continuous failure associated with it, ironically caused by a fear of failure, knocked me out.

Changed my personality for the worse from optimistic and cheerful to cynical and resentful guy. Luckily last year after taking a time out to reflect on my studies and my behavior, I became aware of my perfectionism in writing and handed in my dissertation 2 months before the deadline.

I now prioritize killing my behavioral flaw asap before it ruins my relationships, career, health, basically everything. I find tip 7 and 8 most useful. Then, i would attach tip 7 to this. Not doing it or not doing it by a certain realistic deadline will result in harsh negative consequences. After 24 hours have passed you look at all the things you could have done and missed out on because of your perfectionism.

You will not be happy. Your anger will motivate you to finish quickly. Then the 2nd, 3rd, 4th time you want to accomplish something, you will be better at it and more efficient and miss out less on LIFE. Thats the point. It makes no sense to repeat your mistakes everytime without learning from them.

Finally, at some point, you adopt the habit of zeroing on the main purpose of your goal and just execute and not care about unimportant little details. Ultimate goal. Only by changing your belief you can change your behavior and that will improve your results. You have to consciously and consistently remove it. Goal: not be afraid of failure. Almost instantly. See, whatever you avoid you make bigger and more intimidating, and whatever you confront you make smaller and less intimidating.

It sounds strange but tell yourself you actually want that failure so so much and that fear is gone. And you would be right if your goal was perfection. I hate to break it to you but nobody and nothing in this world was, is and will be perfect, ever. Name one thing or person. Whether you work on something 1 month or 80 years, the result will be imperfect.

There will always be something someone can find what can be improved. Strive for imperfection instead and make mistakes. If you know this, you win everytime. You win at life.